Morning Calisthenics bus

At first I thought it was sweet. "Oh nice, old folks out at the park in the morning, socializing and keeping in shape." Then I heard the de facto drill sergeants blowing their whistles and shouting at the ranks. Then I saw the weapons. Ribbons and sticks to be sure, but also swords. Fucking swords! Some old bag almost decapitated me one Monday when I wasn't as alert as I should have been. Jesus Christ bananas! It's still dark-thirty in the morning! I cannot deal with this horseshit!

As if that isn't bad enough, if you keep your distance from The Decapitator and divert your eyes toward the center of the swarm, you'll see the elite death squads. Those others may just be retirees, old folks with deadly weaponry who live otherwise normal lives. But these elite cocksuckers look like they're carved out of moon rock, and they will kill you. These gnarled sons of bitches are weapons. You'll see them out there, practicing to cut a man in half with the edge of their hand, and then when someone gets too close, KA-CHOONK. I saw one of these mother fuckers trying to push over a tree! A tree!! Screw global warming, these shrivelled assassins are attacking the earth directly!

I think what scares me the most is that I know one day I'll see their leader, and with a look he'll vaporize me in a beautiful display of blue light and smoke. I hate these fuckers. They scare the piss out of me. But they may just be our last line of defense when the zombie invasion comes. Fucking zombies. Fuck those monsters, and fuck you too, bus.